It's hard to see life slip by, to see promises broken and dreams torn apart. Every single day I wish it weren't the case, every single day I hope it'll go back the way it was. It's not just knowing what could have been, it's mostly the doubting about what was. If those promises are broken, if those dreams are torn apart, was the rest ever true? How can be a part of that be real, and a part of it not? The hardest thing is trying to tell yourself that not everything was a lie, that not everything was meant to disappear into nothingness. If only one could fool oneself enough to believe it.
It's hard to see life slip by, to miss people for a month, a year or even more than two. You hope time can stand still, that the clock will stop ticking and the world will pause around you but it doesn't. All you can do is wish, pray and hope. Sometimes your dream comes true, even after all those times, sometimes it doesn't. You need to believe and remember it'll be okay, it'll be all right.
Sometimes it's hard to remember though, although sometimes it's even harder to cope with forgetting. Of course there are some things I'd rather not remember doing or saying or seeing but there are much more things that I want to remember, rather than forget. Sure I've had some rough years but hasn't everyone? I only wish I didn't forget so soon. Some people may think, isn't it better to forget the past problems and get on with life? I guess it is. What I believe though, is that no matter things have been either great or gruesome, you absolutely need to remember every bit of it in order to find precious what you have now. Without the bad you can't fully appreciate the good, without the good you don't know what is bad.
I miss the times my problems were worse but clear. Easy to solve, yet not for the long shot. I really miss those times. I don't miss the problems, of course not. I just long for the good moments in between. Everything that happened made me hold on to those little good things, those treasured people and lost moments. Trough all I was, and all there was around me, they made my life, literally. Some come back, some don't I guess. It's hard to remember those times, but it beats forgetting.
To get back to the present, I'm listening to some music played in the centre of our town, ironically a song from back then. -- I listen silently for a minute and think about what I just wrote. I wish I could know who will read this, I wish to see your thoughts, your expressions. Some people will know what I'm talking about, some may not. I can only hope the right ones do and the others don't or only basically. That's the beauty of this blog, perhaps no one reads is, perhaps a lot of people. It's okay, I write to write, to not forget what I think.
I know that officially I made this another blog for word of the day, though I haven't really explained the word(s) of today in here.. So here it goes for anyone who got to here and still wants to read more: Yearning was obviously present already so no need to explain that one, Yonks is another word for a very long time and I guess is just a nice word, Yesteryear means the last year, or the recent past. Unlike yesterday which is only a quite small period of time, longing for yesteryear sounds intenser. Yore means former times or long ago, which is also pretty much already mentioned here.
Kudos and good night,